False Confidence

It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. Ephesians 1:11-12

I don't know about you, but my high school years were rough on me.  I had lost a dear friend of mine when her family moved away due to a change in her family's business. We did everything together and when she left, I felt completely lost.  I went to church with her, she brought me to her youth group, and when she left, I didn't feel strong in enough in my faith to continue.  Where did I turn? I went through some months of depression and then turned where I felt I was accepted.  I went to a party with a new friend I started hanging out with, and woah, suddenly I was accepted by more and more people. The popular kids were asking me to sit at their table, my confidence soared. But where did that leave me?  In a mess of false confidence and I still felt alone. I was in a whirlwind of disappointment because deep down in my gut, I knew it was wrong.

Not long after that mess I met my husband (high school sweethearts) and things got better as my relationship with the Lord grew once again. Adam and I learned and grew a lot as he was on fire for the Lord and I was hungry to learn.  When we got married, we started a family right away.  After the third kid, I gained some pounds and my confidence started to fall once again.  As my relationship with the Lord was put on hold, I began to lose it. I lost my purpose, I lost my vision for who I was.  I was seeing myself as a mother and wife, and not much more than that. I was feeling as if it was "all there is". I didn't have much confidence in myself as my "mommy brain" was getting the best of me.  My self-esteem was at an all time low as I just was worn out, tired and really bummed about how I looked. 

  
I decided to take a hold of my life and get into shape. Which I was successful at, and let me tell you, my confidence, once again, it soared.  I got so many compliments, and it generally made me happy. For a time....

I began to become obsessed with how I looked, and if I didn't get my workout in, I felt guilty...really guilty.  It was my priority, everything else was second. And after all the hype of my weight loss, where did it leave me? No confidence and somewhat of an eating disorder because I had the lost the missing piece.  

I realized again, that this was false confidence.  Now I'm not saying that getting into shape is a bad thing. As far as my health, it was a great thing. I felt great and had more energy.  I just needed to separate my emotions from my physical health.  Your appearance has nothing to do with your self worth.  Am I glad I got into shape? Absolutely. It's just that I was basing my confidence and my worth on how I looked.  That was the part I had messed up.  My priorities were way out of whack. There is a balance.   

I Love YADA moments, don't you?

So where does REAL confidence come from? Real confidence comes from knowing the purpose for your life.  A real, intimate relationship with your heavenly Father and putting your faith in Him will bring you through the toughest of times. 

Knowing you have Him to lean on, 
Knowing He will give you the desires of your heart
Knowing that even during the toughest of times, He has your back
Knowing that He knows every tear that drops from your eye
Knowing that the creator of the universe, 
The One that placed every star in the sky....He lives in you!

Now That is REAL confidence! Yada, Yada. Yada :)

Dear Lord, thank you for always teaching us. We learn something new everyday and we are so thankful for the many lessons you teach.  Lord help our hearts to be always open and humble to receive and discern your gentle guidance. We love you Father, Amen